Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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