Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
