A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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