there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize