Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
