why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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