If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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