He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
