this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
