I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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