2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
