Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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