the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize