do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
