loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
