I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
BRING THE BAGELS
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
