dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
