Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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