you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
