is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Vodka?
Forever.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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