In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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