i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
