all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
