Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
