I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
