is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
