please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
