I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
