I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
All I want is dick and wine.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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