It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
