how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
