I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
