God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
