If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
