yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
