My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
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Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
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I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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