True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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