I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
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