I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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