So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
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wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
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Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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