ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
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