The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
