STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
