U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
