Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
