Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
