can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
