My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
