i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
