At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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