I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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