This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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