I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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