I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
