Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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