So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
