too bad you live with your parents still
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
