I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
